So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
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