OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
Randomize
