Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
