I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
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