Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
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