Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
Randomize
