and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize