Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
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