Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize