textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
Randomize