you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
Randomize
