PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
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