pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
Randomize
