dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
Why is there bacon in the couch?
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
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