And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
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