i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
Randomize
