i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
I need to calm my uterus...
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
Randomize
