so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize
