What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
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