i can't believe i had my finger in that
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
Randomize
