I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
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