I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
Randomize
