His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Randomize
