I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
I'm always down for nudity.
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
