youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
Randomize
