In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
I forgot how hot balto sounded
i want to swaddle you in tequila
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
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