he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
Randomize
