I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
I have all the porn. Be there soon
Who is this?
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