I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
Randomize
