I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
