No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
Randomize
