so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
