I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Randomize
