I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
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