i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
