I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
Randomize
