Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
i want to swaddle you in tequila
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
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