small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
Someone stole a lamp last night.
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
Randomize
