Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
Randomize
