Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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