if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
Randomize
