That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
They should really pass out barf bags in church
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
Randomize
