Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
Randomize
