Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
Randomize
