i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
Randomize
