Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
Text me some of your sweat
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