I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
Randomize
