Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
29 Petty People Reveal The Shallow Reasons They Turned Someone Down
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
21 Horribly Evil Pranks To Play On Your Drunk Friends
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS