My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.