hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
These 27 People Had No Idea What They Were Doing When It Came To Sex
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
The 19 Strangest Things People Use To Get Off
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS