I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
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We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
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