I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
I came so hard my ears popped.
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Randomize
