I CAN MOONWALK!
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
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Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
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You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...