Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?