I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
pop tarts are not kleenex
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
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