Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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