the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
Randomize
