she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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