I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
Randomize
