This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Randomize
