I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
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