my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
Randomize
