I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
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