I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
Randomize
