There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
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