Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
Randomize
