Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Randomize
