I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
Randomize
