..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
Randomize
