i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
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