I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
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