Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
Randomize
