brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
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