Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
Randomize
