Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
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