I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
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