The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
Randomize
