Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
No...this little piggys going to the bar
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
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