so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
Randomize
