peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Randomize
