i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize
