Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
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